


When Will I be Enough?

by Peach_0214



Series: Loosing It All [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Leaving Home, M/M, Promises, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peach_0214/pseuds/Peach_0214
Summary: Nothing changes and will ever change between you and me. I promised, Yongie.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: Loosing It All [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790014
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	When Will I be Enough?

Water runs in silence as he watches the stars twinkling above him. Taeyong, the almost perfect boy in town, weeps secretly at the familiar bench by the Han river. Remembering the events that got him there at the first place seems devastating. Who would have thought that his best friend and his eternal companion will leave him out of his self-centeredness?

"Jaehyunnie, where are you going at this hour?" Taeyong whined almost hysterically because Jaehyun is going out at 11pm.

When they were in college, even before high school, they had already planned of moving in together at the same house resulting to being tied together. They are not in relationship or something, but they have lived their lives depending on each other and having them being inseparable.

Huh! Who are they kidding? Who is Taeyong kidding? The table must have turned on its own.

"I'm just going to unwind, Taeyong. You should go back to sleep."

Taeyong

When was the last time that Jaehyun called him that? Was it two years ago when they had a fight or just last week when he told Jaehyun to stop going home late?

"No, I'm not going to sleep if you are not here Jaehyunnie!" Taeyong whined then pouted cutely.

Oh, he thought it was cute. Jaehyun mayhaps found it annoying.

Taeyong was taken aback when he saw Jaehyun's forehead creased at his gestures. He suddenly got scared of his hyunnie and readied himself to be shouted at. He was not wrong at all.

"Shut up! You are annoying Taeyong! You have been nothing but annoying to me eversince we have moved in this house!" Taeyong's breath hitched at his tone and more hurt of his words.

"Jaehyunnie, you are lying right? You are just saying that-" He was not able to finish what he was going to say when Jaehyun suddenly ranted about how he hate him and his existence.

"I'm not lying. Eversince you glued yourself to me, you leached yourself to me, my life has been revolving around you and that was my mistake! You are a nuisance! You controlled me, Taeyong! I can't even go out with my friends because you are against it! You had always been the reason why I could not do the things I want! I just want to be free, Taeyong."

As soon as the boy heared those seemed-to-be-unbelievable coming out of Jaehyun's mouth, his tears he has been holding on ran through his rose-like scar down to his rosey cheeks. He wanted to retaliate and say that the man in front of him is wrong. Nothing came out but apology. 

"I'm sorry." Indeed, sometimes you cannot prove someone wrong if you are already accused. 

He cried but Jaehyun did not show any sign of concern. When did he become this heartless?

'You told me back then that I was enough, that you do not need anyone other than me, that you want to do the things you want only if I am with you. Jaehyun, where did I go wrong?' 

"Jaehyun-ah. I'm sorry if you ever felt that way. I'm sorry if you ever felt that I was caging you."

Taeyong's eyes were brimming with tears. He was breaking down on his knees and sobbing loudly but Jaehyun still stood firmly.

"I'm going out. Do not expect me to be here in the morning."

There. He turned his back at Taeyong who has been there for him at the very beginning.

The boy just wailed and wailed until his eyes stopped shedding tears, but it did not.

He wiped his tears stained cheeks and went straight towards the door, only with his wallet and phone in his pocket. He clicked the lock without thinking that he did not bring his keys with him. 

'It's alright. I'm never going to step in this place again.' He thought while assuring himself that he is going to be okay even without Jaehyun by his side.

May be that was enough reason for him to bring his feet on this place, by the Han river. Perhaps this place also held several memories of him and Jaehyun's. This had been their 'dating' place- no, the place where they used to spend their free time together. He was the only one who thought something's going on between them. Huh! He had been clowning himself for so damn many years. He found himself chuckling on what he had thought.

The cold breeze seeped into his skin. His lips quiverring due to his nonstop weeping plus the coldness of the breeze. He has been weeping for hours since he arrived in the place. 

He did not mind the coldness of the atmosphere, but at least the silence of the surroundings made him calm and composed. He sighed and thanked the heaven above that he was able to conquer his fear of darkness (also thanks to Jaehyun) before this eventful thing happened.

He smiled at that thought. Jaehyun really did things for him, perhaps, alot such as baby-ing him when he craved for something and helping him oppressed his fears in life, but not this fear. All his life he depended on jaehyun and developed his fear of loosing him. How pathetic he is that he lost Jaehyun right in front of his eyes. 

"Nothing changes and will ever change between you and me. I promised, Yongie." 

Did his Hyunnie actually forget about his promise? Nah. They grew old together, yes, physically yes, may be as time passed by, they really did grow apart both mentally and emotionally. Looked like they were just two happy teenagers back then who made promises without promising of not breaking it. Unfortunately, it is easy to break a childish promise.

Those thoughts seemed to have burnt him and cracked the remaining ten percent of his hope.

And so he realized,

'Maybe, I was really so self-centered. I always held him back and controlled him. I thought we were doing just fine because he did not complain nor confront me for my actions. I just love him too much and I thought he felt the same way too or at least he knew about my feelings for him, but he did not. Mayhaps, he knew but he just did not care. Who am I even? I'm just someone who annoyed him throughout his life and someone who always asked too much of him without knowing I, myself was not enough for him. 

Maybe that's it, I am just really not enough.'

\--


End file.
